I have some legitimate reasons for letting this blog get dusty, and some not-so-legitimate ones, too. The cat bite that had my hand in a half-cast for a bit? Probably legitimate. The weeks I spent watching the first two seasons of The Waltons? Probably not.
But the biggest legitimate reason is that...I've got myself a girl and I am getting married in 5 months. Yes, you read that right. Me, who was OK being single and in fact sort of despaired of ever being able to have a good, healthy relationship after the ex-gay movement. Me, who wrote about enmeshment with the words of someone still in the thick of the healing process. Me, who thought I'd never find someone who got all my quirks and weirdness and loved me not in spite of them, but because of them. That me.
That me has been busy dating the girl of my dreams, being in love, getting engaged, planning a wedding...How did this all happen? Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. (I know, I think I've used this line already on my blog before, but it's a good one, and worth repeating, as is anything from "The Princess Bride" really...but I digress).
The "sum up" is that Theresa and I met through a mutual gaychristian.net friend on Facebook, almost two years ago. We were initially just very, very good friends (we lived in different states–geographically, not emotionally), but that changed after our first in-person meeting a year and a half ago. Then I imported her to Denver and that's that. We got engaged on Valentine's day of this year in the very most romantic way possible (a treasure hunt where she was the prize, waiting with a ring, a rose, and a book of poems), and it's been slices of everyday life and extraordinary bliss mixed in with wedding planning since then.
My ex-gay days did a real number on my psyche. After being told so many times that there are no "happy endings" in lgbt relationships, that gay relationships don't last, that any love I had for another woman was just a "counterfeit"–it was really hard to even dream of someday meeting someone. And then once I did, what if I got "enmeshed" or "emotionally dependent?" So many things to fear. And fear is immobilizing (at least for me it is).
Now that I'm in an actual relationship, it's been a great feeling to shed all that garbage. That's just old stuff that isn't true. It may be true about some lgbt relationships, just like it is about many straight relationships, but it certainly isn't true of a vast number of them. It's been delightful to get to know other gay and straight couples with good relationships. People who model interdependence and good communication. I can honestly say that I've never felt this loved, embraced, and cherished in my life. We started out the best possible way–as friends who knew the good, the bad, and the ugly–and that's laid a strong foundation for our future.
And what does that future hold? Who knows. I just know it's gonna be good.
